Magnifying is a type of thinking that takes away from your confidence and self-esteem.  When you magnify, you intensify a problem out of proportion to its actual importance.  Minor suggestions become harsh criticism.  Slight headaches become a brain tumor.  A sore tooth becomes my teeth are falling out.  Minor setbacks become cause for despair.  A great way to catch yourself magnifying is to pay attention for words like "huge," "impossible," and "overwhelming."  The most common phrase is "I can't stand it."   Magnifying issues is bad enough, but the reason it takes away from your confidence is because magnifying is typically paired with minimizing.  You minimize your ability to deal with the problems you are facing. 

The best way to help yourself correct this type of thinking is to remind yourself of the times you have overcome problems and focus on your ability to handle most problems you come across.  Attempting to focus on the solution instead of the problem is key!  Also, not allowing your emotions to get the best of you.  Try asking yourself, "If I had to rate my emotion on a scale of 0 - 100, what would I rate how I feel?  Is this an appropriate level of intensity for this type of situation?  If I experienced this on a different day in different circumstances, would it be different?"

Happy thinking!

Do you find yourself thinking thoughts similar to these?

"I could have enjoyed the party, but the food was cold," 
"My car broke down, now the whole day is ruined,"
"I'm struggling to understand a new concept, this always happens, I can't stand it!"

This is another example of thinking in a limited way.  Filtering your thoughts could be seen as using tunnel vision.  A single detail is picked out, and the entire event or situation is colored by that single detail.  Not only does this awfulize your thoughts, but it tends to magnify them, and makes you ignore all the good experiences that may have come along with it.  Typical words that are used when filtering or awfulizing are terrible, awful, horrible, horrendous, and "I can't stand it."  

Filtering also causes our memory to be selective.  If you focus on negative aspects of situations, it stores your memories this way too.  You start to flood your mind with evidence to support negative beliefs because of the negatively filtered memories.  When your memories are filtered in this way, you skip past positive experiences and dwell only in memories that may leave you angry, anxious, or depressed. 

The best way to balance this way of thinking is to shift your focus.  First, try to pay attention on your coping strategies of dealing with a problem rather than obsessing about the problem itself.  Second, try to focus on the opposite mental theme you find yourself stuck in.   For example, if you tend to focus on a theme of not being good enough, instead focus on what you have and do that gives you value and worth. 

Good luck and happy thinking!

Mind reading is described as a belief that you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do without them saying so.  You believe you have certain knowledge about how people think and feel about you.  Not only do we think we know what people are thinking and feeling but we also think we can predict the future.  

These thoughts may sound like,
"He's just acting that way because he's jealous."
"She's afraid to show she cares."
"She thinks I'm really immature."
"He's always smiling but I know he doesn't like me."

Our intuitions, hunches, past experiences, and vague misgivings lead us to have certain assumptions about people and situations.  This typically leads people to feel misunderstood, unvalued, and can cause conflict where it doesn't need to be.  In order to avoid this, slow down and think about the facts.  Like the age old saying says, "Never assume.  It makes an ass of me and you."

If you find yourself being controlled by food and are ready to take BACK control, 
come learn some useful ways to break the cycle and FIGHT BACK!  
 
WHEN: Starts Monday, October 21st  @ 6pm
HOW LONG: 8 week class
HOW MUCH: $25 per group meeting or $180 up front (SAVE $20!)

WHAT IS IT: This group will inform you about the common types of struggles, patterns, thinking and emotions that keep us in the cycle.  You will learn useful ways to challenge your way of doing things and be inspired to stay on track and take control of your life in a way that it won’t bite back.  
 
*SPACE LIMITED! Contact me if interested in joining the group. 
Email [email protected] or call 616-929-0189

How many times do you catch yourself saying things like, "I don't do well in social situations," "I don't like going to the city."  "I don't like animals."  This type of thinking is called overgeneralized thinking; which means, you store one single negative event in your memory, and then use it to make wide, across-the-board generalizations.  It's not ALWAYS bad to think in this way IF you have gathered sufficient evidence to make such a claim.  Sometimes, thinking negatively going into a situation can cause the situation to go sour because of a sour attitude.  Overgeneralizing is a way for your brain to skip over thinking deeply about what caused frustration, anxiety, fear, or disappointment in a situation.  Your brain will create an untrue belief based on a sweeping statement.  This type of thinking is MORE likely to cause more frustration, anxiety, fear, and/or disappointment because it is making a negative generalization about your self that usually infects your thinking to make you believe it can span other situations too. 

Take control of your thinking by recognizing when you are overgeneralizing and you may realize that your days might start going better because you are giving yourself the benefit of the doubt in situations you have already encountered that may just not have gone well once.

I love this time of year.  September is my "happy new year."  It may have  been the 18 1/2 years of school that make me think of fresh starts in September  but I fully embrace and accept it.  I enjoy this new year much more than the  actual new year.  New school supplies.  New school clothes.  Favorite TV  shows returning or new shows beginning.  I have created a renewal time for  myself in September.  Fall is almost easier for me to embrace change because of  all the changes happening all around me already.  Leaves changing from green  to gorgeous yellows, oranges, and reds.  The weather changing to the incredibly  enjoyable sweatshirts and jeans weather.  And the beloved return of pumpkins, apples, and pumpkin spice lattes. 

I figure, if I can focus on how positive and beautiful all those other changes are, I might be able to convince myself that my change is going to be  positive and "beautiful" as well - which is really an accomplishment in itself  because change can sometimes be pretty "messy" in my eyes.  The fighting that  happens in my head between old habits and new habits seems like a war zone  sometimes.  My brain definitely is not all about switching from a four lane  highway of habit to a dirt road of uncertainty.  Fall helps me see that  sometimes we fight change too much when it's really such a natural thing of  life.  (read more here!)

I have always struggled with feelings of disappointment, whether it's that I don't want to disappoint someone or I don't want to disappoint myself.  The feelings that come along with disappointment almost seem to hard to bear sometimes.  Feelings like guilt, shame, and fear.  Sometimes we go to some pretty big extremes in order to prevent the feeling of disappointment because it can lead to damaging our feelings of self-worth too. "I'm not good enough."  "I don't measure up."  "WHy do I even try because I just suck."  

Fortunately, I don't think disappointment is really all that bad. There are a lot of really good things disappointment can bring.  It can help you do better, even "raise the bar."  Say you were really excited about something, say making a new recipe.  You are all pumped about it the whole time, thinking about how good it's going to taste when you're done.  All the praise will be coming in from your family about what a great cook you are.  When you are all done cooking and everyone sits down to eat, you realize it doesn't taste that good.  You are immidiately slammed with disappointment.  You start thinking about how terrible it tastes and how you are a TERRIBLE COOK because of it. Now, if you were to see disappointment as a good thing, you might start thinking  about what didn't go right.  Did you miss an ingredient?  Did you rush the  process because you were so excited to eat it?  Did you add to much of  something?  This thought process would lead you to actually becoming a BETTER  COOK because you would be much more focused the following time and you would try  harder.   

Disappointment should not attack your character.  It's brought on by something you did, not who you are. Change your behavior! (read more here...)

Anxiety is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time.  Many people feel anxious, or nervous, when faced with problems at work, before taking a test, or having to make an important decision.  Anxiety is defined by Mirriam-Webster as "an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it."
 
Anxiety disorders, however, are different.  They can cause such distress that it interferes with a person’s ability to lead a normal life.  Worry and fears are constant and overwhelming, and can be crippling.  Some anxiety disorders are panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder, specific phobias, and generalized anxiety disorder.  It is not known for certain what causes anxiety disorders, but it is guessed that it is a combination of environmental factors, genetics, medical conditions and psychological factors.  Here is a very helpful article that discusses some examples of these factors that can play into the development of an anxiety disorder (read me).  With proper treatment from a medical provider and counselor, the crippling caused by anxiety can be lifted and a person can feel like themselves again. 

Growing up, I always had a changing relationship with food.  I would think that a lot of my habits and thinking about it was normal because it didn't meet the criteria of an eating disordered so I figured I was probably fine, right? I know there are eating disorders (like the well-known anorexia and bulimia), but what about the other people that struggle with different types of food issues?  I like to call the other eating issues eating dysfunctions.  I'm talking about chronic dieters, emotional
eaters, extreme exercisers, health-food junkies, yo-yo dieters, etc.  This makes up more of the common eating struggles that people battle with. 

I have struggled with my fare share of eating dysfunctions.  My most memorable moment was when I was alone at home while my husband was away on a weekend fishing trip.  I was bored.  I was lonely.  I was... hungry!  I love to bake so I headed upstairs to make some chocolate cookies.  I sampled the dough as I made it... to make sure it was good enough.  Then I decided I had eaten too much cookie dough so I better make some actual cookies and put the dough away so I won't be tempted to eat it all.  After I had taken out the cookies, I ate one before it cooled.  I ate two after they cooled.  I ate another one while deciding what I should store them in.  Then I went back to the cookie sheet and realized only 1/2 of the cookies I made were left.  I got so mad at myself for losing control.  I somehow decided that the best way to deal with this was to get rid of them.  ... No I did not throw them in the trash. 

My son is 4 months old now.  It seems like it was ages ago I just had him.  Almost as if he should be a year old already!  I know I had this with my first kiddo but it was stronger with this one - I'm talking about the desire to get into a "normal" routine and feel like I could go about my life almost as if I hadn't just had a baby.  I feel like you go through phases when you finally have your baby.  First you have the overwhelming joy, excitement, and astonishment that you actually grew this live being inside of you over the past forever amount of months.  Then you go home and you start feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and frazzled (when did I last shower?). 

Most of the time you kind of start understanding how things work... baby cries a lot and there isn't always something you can do about it, showers are not very easy to come by but they have never felt better, you are amazed at how fast you can fall asleep when you feel accomplished knowing your little one is happily sleeping as well, and I am always amazed at how well I can hear.  Then comes my favorite yet least favorite phase - the one where you decide that things are mostly normal again and you can go about life almost how you did before you had a new infant.   You start making more plans, you start venturing out of the house more, you actually feel somewhat confident inviting people over to your house!  Before you know it... you get so into "normal" life and routine that you soon find out you are EXHAUSTED!!!  (read more here)